You, who stood watch, when you were charged with standing guard.

Hey you.

Who stood watch when you were charged with standing guard.

Who saw everything and said nothing.

Who made me believe abuse is "just how life is."

Who collude with the insanity while performing "support."

Who asked me to defend myself when I was defenseless.

Who didn't say otherwise when I was badgered, belittled and energetically maimed because the truth would get YOU in the trouble "I" was in, so you turned the other cheek, while mine was being slapped for no reason other than a bully needing an target.

Hey you.

I see you.

Do you see me?

I see you see it too.

And now that I'm not defenseless, I've got my eye on YOU.

Hey you.

For whom I carried guilt and shame that wasn't mine and you were happy to let me burden myself with your load.

For whom I did everything I could to give you everything I reasonably would, when your needs were wildly unreasonable (but you needed me to stay out of my own reason).

For whom I thought I'd be a "better" person, not than you, but than I had it in me to be, to forgive and forgive and forgive. Time and time and time again.

Hey you.

I remember EVERYTHING.

Every-fucking-thing.

Scary huh? The elephant in the room that I am.

I see you.

And now that I'm not in the fog of your narrative in my own head, I've got my eye on YOU.

Hey you.

I used to have my heart on you in forgiveness, where now my gaze is on you in awareness.

I used to want to save you, when you were blind raging, and literally happy to see me drown.

I used to believe you, more than I believed in myself, and you liked it that way.

My narrative isn't figurative. It's literal.

I don't blame you for everything.

I blame you for REAL things.

ALL of you who stood and saw and did and said...NOTHING.

People think I'm "loud," and they haven't even heard me scream. Oh it's primal and instinctual and honestly, more terrifying than your rage. That I swallowed and poisoned myself with while you felt relief it was in me, and not you.

They haven't even HEARD me yet because all those times I've said what's true, I've still tried to protect YOU.

Hey you.

I'm in here now.

In the place you most tried to keep me from.

My body.

Myself.

And I'm not going any-fucking-where.

My fight was fought out of me as unescapable prey.

And no, I'm not gonna sit around this time and pray this away.

My fight is back.

And my prey drive is in tact.

Because for those of you who never had my back when it was in corners, and against walls...

I'm no longer willing to be attacked...

and call you anything to me...

when you sit around content so long as it doesn't affect you, to see me get whacked.

Hey you.

I see you.

Can you see me?

You'll call this an attack. No, this is just my fight back.

Finally.

And I no longer feel guilty for ANYTHING you made me believe was me. While you squandered my years, my efforts and my in-vain tears.

I see you.

Hey you.

Bet you don't like me in here, do you?

Hey you...

See me now that I'm on the horizon instead of under your thumb?

Didn't think so.

But at least now...I know.

I bet you'll feel victimized by me in my own skin.

I bet it makes yours crawl.

And you'll say none of it happened at all.

You'll say I've "done enough..."

But who knew...I was this tough.

Cause I haven't even STARTED yet.

Hey you.

You know it takes me years to get to a place where I've given enough, and you used that against me as your sure, safe bet.

But nah, I've reached my edge. I've finally swallowed enough.

Oh, don't worry about your reputation.

You didn't make me this way...I'll take responsibility for that. I'm no longer your safe bet.

I made me this way.

And this time, I'll fight back.

I see right through you.

The only REAL gift you left me with is an uncanny ability to at least do that.

I've taken enough. I've forgiven enough. I've shamed myself enough.

It's your turn to carry your own stuff.

Hey, now I realize ...

I'm not YOU.

Hey you.

This is ME.

I see you.

Can you see me?

You.

And me.

We're not the same.

I don't start shit.

I end it.

Hey you

I see you.